It was many moons since my most valuable treasure sailed away from the shores of my soul. Every day, I walk these piers alone, hoping that perhaps one day, my gem will sail home. I may miss my treasure, but I know that my treasure is also missing me. The feeling grows even harsher, like a giant storm roaring in from the sea, knowing that your ships and shores may never pass again. Some understand this feeling well. Some may know what it is like to leave the metaphorical shores of your daily beloved. The feeling in the heart comes from the longing to connect with the missing pieces.
The Other Side I Drive
ME: I write with pride today. Pride in self. It's okay to enjoy a moment and savor personal satisfaction.
YOU: Jenn, What makes you feel so proud, so accomplished today?
ME: Glad you asked.
I moved to a place where my world was instantly flipped 180 degrees to the other side of how I was normalized.
My capable mind proved decisive in coordinating the actions to do the basic and complex oppositely.
I Love it! So Fun!
The process leads to beautiful motions of the blinker, bling, the shifting of gears, the over-the-shoulder clearing of the baffles, flowing hair, and flawless, graceful, and dignified adjustments in navigation.
Sometimes my left-hand enterprise gets noticed, but otherwise, I am just one of the locals moving in the people scape.
I get from point A to Z, and often, I add in destinations between.
The road is not always Autobahn smooth. Thank you, Germany. Often rough, rocky, and cratered. No worries, I find a mix of speed, steerage, and timing as suitable tools to clear the hazards.
I find safety in the new—safety procured by giving attention to the basics of life and slowing down just a little, making time and space to attend to errors.
All this joy does have a view less friendly. The rear view, behind me, the aggressive time traveler late to nowhere and missing nothing, fogs my rear bonnet with troubled breath. I feel the need to move aside, give up my space, give up my joy and give up my precious attention to the basics.
Assuming good intentions for the madness, I curtsy as you slip on by carefully to retain my enterprise, never to be comprised.
Words worth preserving
A barn side in Brühlgraben, Tiefenbach, Germany.
Read MoreMy Mind Jumped
My mind jumped to assumptions from the sudden news. I perhaps unjustly arrived at my conclusions. Maybe I am justified. Where am I? We have shared many personal feelings and experiences. Why am I learning from a text message that you have fallen in love and proposed marriage?
Of course, I wanted to say congratulations, but my words became lost. I stumbled for days trying to recall if you had shared your new love in previous conversations. I can be terrible at remembering things sometimes. I thought maybe it happened so fast, like love at first sight. You had no chance to say, “hey, I got some good news, I met someone, and I hope it works out for me”.
You owe me nothing in this world, but if you are interested in why I feel nervous about calling, texting, or planning an adventure, it's because of how I learned about her. Before I received the photos of you proposing, our conversations were about planning adventures and an experience. I guess I need help understanding why you did not tell me earlier from a friendship perspective. Assumptions flew into my head, bad on me, but I could not help it. Am I not really a friend? Do you fear her reaction to our relationship, or are you worried about my response to her?
I am suddenly confused, pondering how I am supposed to communicate. When in doubt, I just move on with my one life. The best thing for me is to ask you directly rather than assume your feelings or thoughts. But I am afraid to call. I love so many things about you, your sense of adventure, athleticism, healthy living, willingness to try, and positive attitude. I treasure my few friends that meet me on my level. I tremble at the thought of losing you.
~jenn wren
