Owning personal stories thrust upon us comes with great responsibility. Very much like having a superpower. When blessed with both a great story and a cool superpower, the burden of telling the story is to give hope to others coming up the gauntlet behind, while doing no harm to the innocent on the sidelines. I cannot offer the villain the same promise, as I am not the keeper of wicked nefars unwitting or otherwise. Careful telling the story. An unwieldy story holds secrets about the characters within.
My Mind Jumped
My mind jumped to assumptions from the sudden news. I perhaps unjustly arrived at my conclusions. Maybe I am justified. Where am I? We have shared many personal feelings and experiences. Why am I learning from a text message that you have fallen in love and proposed marriage?
Of course, I wanted to say congratulations, but my words became lost. I stumbled for days trying to recall if you had shared your new love in previous conversations. I can be terrible at remembering things sometimes. I thought maybe it happened so fast, like love at first sight. You had no chance to say, “hey, I got some good news, I met someone, and I hope it works out for me”.
You owe me nothing in this world, but if you are interested in why I feel nervous about calling, texting, or planning an adventure, it's because of how I learned about her. Before I received the photos of you proposing, our conversations were about planning adventures and an experience. I guess I need help understanding why you did not tell me earlier from a friendship perspective. Assumptions flew into my head, bad on me, but I could not help it. Am I not really a friend? Do you fear her reaction to our relationship, or are you worried about my response to her?
I am suddenly confused, pondering how I am supposed to communicate. When in doubt, I just move on with my one life. The best thing for me is to ask you directly rather than assume your feelings or thoughts. But I am afraid to call. I love so many things about you, your sense of adventure, athleticism, healthy living, willingness to try, and positive attitude. I treasure my few friends that meet me on my level. I tremble at the thought of losing you.
~jenn wren
